so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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