what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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