Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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