Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
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not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
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You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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