DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize