you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I love you.
Bad choice
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