I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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