life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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