you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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