Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize