I want to make a zoo with you.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
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in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
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I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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