My first STD was from a foam party
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
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I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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