I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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