i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize