well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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