I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
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And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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