I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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