i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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