so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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