is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
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Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
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5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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