i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize