Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
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