why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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