so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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