I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize