I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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