I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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