I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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