We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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