32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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