Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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