Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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