Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize