Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
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It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
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You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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