i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
time to smoke my breakfast
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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