coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
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she fell through a window trying to flash someone
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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