This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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