I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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