What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize