you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
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Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
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One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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