i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize