dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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