im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
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I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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