i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
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So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
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I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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