The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
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All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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