And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
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i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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