I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
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He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
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There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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