You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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