and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
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I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
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I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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