Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize